Forgiveness...

One of my relatives had this as their face book status recently:

Many times we withhold our forgiveness as a punishment to the one that hurt us. But, by doing so we are only punishing ourselves. Forgiveness is not a free pass to the offender; rather, it frees our hearts from the anger caused by hurt. An unforgiving heart is a hardened heart and, like an old, dried up sponge, a hardened heart is unable to soak up God’s love.

Forgiveness is a funny thing. Anger is even funnier. As a counselor, I have come to recognize that anger often is a secondary emotion, and is what comes out when we are hurt. Often we are "angry" at the person who has hurt us. However, what does this anger do? Does it change the other person's behavior? Does it make you feel better? No, No. It sits on your heart. It weighs on your soul.

I have had the conversation about forgiveness often with one of my sisters, and the concept of "letting someone off the hook". I know in my heart, that carrying around anger only hurts me. It is not changing anyone else, nor helping me move forward. It serves no purpose other than to bring more unhappiness into my life. Forgiveness does not excuse anything. Ultimately, why not forgive? Why not let it go? I have heard that the person does not deserve to be forgiven. Hm.... Didn't God give us this ultimate gift that none of us deserve? He sent His Son, to be alive with us and then to die for us? Did we deserve that? No, it is called Grace. God's great grace. No way can we ever earn that.

So, why do we feel so righteous that we will demand others to earn our forgiveness?

Currently, I am in place where I am looking closely at the concept of forgiveness, and balancing it out with accountability. You can forgive someone and hold them accountable, can't you? Either way, I think that what also speaks highly is the manner in which we move forward with this forgiveness and accountability. Responding to a sin by acting sinfully is wrong.

But how do we help those whose hearts are so hardened that they cannot see the path to forgiveness and just bring negativity where ever they go? Perhaps we do not help them. Perhaps we just lead by example and choose not to allow their toxicity to impact you. Not sure how to do that always, but it seems worth a try.