Thursday, September 24, 2009


As I mentioned before, this is the time of year in my former life that was hectic with work. So, naturally, I have spent a lot of time this past month or two thinking about and talking with friends about work and work memories, current and past!! It makes me a little nastalgic. Almost makes me get out the old resume, add a few lines and send it off. But then I think about the time clock, and having to be there at a set time, and dropping the girls off with some random person to spend the day... and I realize that is just not going to work.

I am blessed to be able to stay home. Many folks do not have this choice. It is true. When we first decided that I would stay home (it was a family decision, really).. I had all these delusions- delusions of ample time to sew, craft, scrapbook.... playing and crafting with my kiddos for hours in a house that was super clean.

Then I began my journey as a SAHM (stay at home mom). At first, I was thrilled. Then I realized I did not know anyone else who stayed home, except one friend who was expecting. I started to feel lonely and unscheduled. I realized my calendar was no longer filled with meetings.... actually, I didn't even need a calendar anymore. In an effort to get out of the house, I started going to the library story time, but quickly realized Allie was a tad young, and I spent the time chasing her instead of her listening. I tried out Lil Gym classes, swimming, etc. All in an effort to have something to put on my calendar and an excuse to get out of the house.

After a few months, I hit a wall. Kyle had gone hunting for the week, leaving me home alone... which doesn't seem like a big deal, but when I was already feeling lonely... this was just the icing on the cake. By the time he got home, I was downright frustrated and angry. Instead of talking to him about this, I became passive aggressive. And a couple nights later, during one of Allie's wake ups at 4 in the morning, we had our real first fight. Now, by fight, i dont mean raised voices. If you know Kyle, you know this is not his mode of operation-even when provoked and we know I have tried to provoke this type of emotion!! Anyway, by the time we got up in the morning I realized that Kyle was not the problem. Allie was not the problem. I was the problem. For so long I had prided myself on my work, on my independence. I had always enjoyed my job, and felt challenged while successful. These feelings were important. And they were gone. I did not necessarily view my new role in the same light and struggled with my new identity.

So, I tried to start again. I realized I needed more, and should not feel guilty admitting this. So, I got involved in my church, taking on some roles and jobs that gave me an outlet. I also joined a MOPS group. I began to spend some time with other moms who stayed home and found myself able to once again focus on this new amazing role ....and the blessings that I had. I was home and witnesses all the firsts.. rolling, crawling, walking, words. I began to feel successful in my job as a mom. I remembered that I was still a person of value, and that my job was important.

Now, 3 years later and another baby later, I am still a SAHM. Proud to be. I am still involved in other ventures to keep my brain active, like my church and MOPS. I am now good at taking me time, in order to be a better mom, wife and person. I also make sure to schedule mom and dad time, using a sitter weekly to allow us this alone time (or if Kyle is working, I get me time). I need to take care of me, my marriage and my children. And, while I am not perfect, and still have moments of frustrations... I much better at this balance now. I dont feel guilty for taking me time!! I feel stronger. I feel healthier -mentally and physically. I am proud, again, of who I am and what I do...

Monday, September 14, 2009


I love it here.

I love that I can grow a great garden. This is my harvest from Sunday. One day. Still tons more to come.

I love that in September, my rose bushes still go full bloom.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Two 10Ks in Two Days!!

I decided to do a 10k race recently and signed up for the Pints to Pasta in Portland for Sept 13th! In the end, due to odd situations, I ended up doing two 10k's back to back.

On saturday, I went to Dayton with my friend Kate and we ran in the Dayton Fiesta Run. It was too hot, but fun and a nice run. It was my first race, so I was happy to have it finished and to finish in less than one hour!! Woo Hoo. :)
Then on Sunday, I got up way early to drive to Portland for the Pints to Pasta run, which starts at Adidas and ends at the Old Spaghetti Factory. It was a fabulous day, much cooler and a beautiful race course. I had a great time, and ran in just over an hour (one and a half minutes over), which I was happy with considering it was my second race in two days. I dont have any pictures of this one, as it is hard to take pictures when running.. but it was fabulous!!!

Now, I am hooked... when is the next one? I am going to try to do some 10k's this fall and winter in prep for the Hippie Chick Half Marathon in May at Champoeg Park. :)

Monday, September 7, 2009

The biggest loser

Ok, so in January, I did something I never thought I would do. I joined a competition at my gym. It was my gym's version of the Biggest Loser.

I was extremely embarrassed to join this competition, for many reasons. Some people dont get this. But the truth is, when you are overweight, you are not proud of it. simply put. I was not proud of my "needing" to join this competition, nor the fact that I weighted in at a whopping *#! on the first day. See, I still cannot type in the weight. It is truly something that I have been afraid to admit since January. That is why I have not posted about this before. All during my time in the competition, I was thinking about blogging as a way to track my progress, but never started the blog because I knew I would have to fess up. Type in the number.

8 months later I still struggle. 8 months, countless hours at the gym, miles running and a 53 pound weight loss. Yes... 53 pounds. I can hardly believe it. that is what my two children weigh together. Now, I know, on the show.. folks lose a lot more than that. But I dont have 6-8 hours a day to work out. I wanted to lose weight doing something I could and would maintain. Not cutting out anything completely, nor exercise an excessive amount.

My weight loss has been obvious, and I have been bombarded by questions as to how I have done it. After a couple months, I was freely telling most people about my workouts, ensuring healthy eating and portion control and even telling others about the competition as it was a huge motivator and support system. I go to an all women's gym, so there were only women in this competition. But the truth was, I didn't want to compete AGAINST them, rather against my own self. I know me. I am a competitive spirit. So, this BL worked well for me. Each week I had to weigh in, have my weight recorded so that anyone in the gym could see (including any gains, which thankfully I never experienced!!)... I also met some amazing women. All very different than me, but sharing one main goal.... to get back to a healthy lifestyle. Yes, that goal was measured weekly in pounds, but it was beyond that.

So, in the end there were four of us at the final weigh in.. most had dropped off through the months. We formed a strong bond and still meet regularly to keep each other going with support, friendship and motivation. I had lost 53 pounds and 26 % body weight (for those of you wondering what the number was, you can do the math.. I still dont want to type it. Now, not from embarrassment, but because it truly does not matter).

Here are the before, after and our celebration dinner!!!